Wedding Etiquette
National Association of Wedding Ministers
Wedding Etiquette
Cultural backgrounds and individual
convictions heavily influence the decision-making in Wedding Etiquette.
Nevertheless, the following is a general guide that should be construed as
such... and adopted as you deem fit:
Who Pays For What?
The Bride typically pays for:
The Groom typically pays for:
The Groom's Family typically pays for:
The Bride's Family typically pays for:
The Attendants typically pay for:
Attendant’s Responsibilities
Maid/Matron of Honor Responsibilities:
The maid or matron of honor is usually a
sister or very close friend. Choose some dependable. If you choose, you may
have both a maid (single) and a matron (married) of honor takes precedence at
the ceremony, signs as you legal witness and carries the groom's ring.
Before the Wedding: The maid of Honor may plan your wedding and
take care of details for you. If she lives nearby she might help address
invitations, plan pre-wedding parties, make favors or table decorations, and
keep track of gifts received and thank you cards sent. The maid of honor
usually hosts a bridal shower. The bride can delegate care of bridesmaid's
fittings and details. She attends pre-wedding parties. She attends the
rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner.
At the Wedding: The maid of honor helps the bride with
dressing and assists with the, train, veil and holding the brides bouquet
during the ceremony. The maid of honor wears the grooms ring on her thumb (or
carries it in some other safe manner) until it is time for the blessing and
exchange of rings in the ceremony. She is responsible for having an emergency
kit with miscellaneous items such as a needle and thread, extra nylons, a roll
of tape etc. The maid of honor holds on to a duplicate list of desired shots
for the photographer and videographer as well as a
song list for ceremony musicians and a copy of any special prayers or readings
to be used during the ceremony. She walks in front of the bride in the
processional and with the best man in the recessional and stands near the bride
at the altar. She makes sure that all of the bride's clothing, make-up and
personal belongings are removed from the changing room at the ceremony site and
taken back to the bride's home. She helps to line up bridesmaids for formal
photographs.
At the Reception: The maid of Honor stands next to the groom
in very formal receiving lines. The maid of honor is seated at the head table
or table of honor. During the reception, she mingles with guest. She dances
with the best man at the reception. She helps the bride with her train,
fastening it to floor length so it is out of the way for dancing, if necessary.
A duplicate copy of the list of names and pronunciations for the bridal party
announcements is kept by the maid of honor. She also keeps a duplicate song
list for the reception musicians or disc jockey. If the bride needs assistance
in tossing her bouquet or in gathering single women to catch it, the maid of
honor can help out. If requested, she helps the bride dress for the honey moon
and makes sure the bridal gown and other personal clothing items are returned
to the bride's home after the reception. She takes the bridal bouquet for
preserving and may take the gown for heir looming while the bride is on her
honeymoon.
Expenses: The maid or matron of honor pays for her own dress and other attire. If
travel expenses are involved, she pays for her own dress and other attire.
Although she may attend several pre-wedding parties, only one shower gift and
one wedding gift are to be expected. She may share the cost of bridal shower.
Bridesmaid Responsibilities:
Bridesmaids are usually close friends or
family members. When inviting them, make them aware that there are costs
involved as well as a time commitment. It is an honor to be asked, but may also
be a financial burden. Make friends feel special when you invite them to be
part of your wedding.
The number of bridesmaids usually depends on the formality of your wedding,
with a dozen being the maximum for any wedding. Girls between 8 and 16 are
considered to be junior bridesmaids. Junior bridesmaids are not expected to
help with details as much as bridesmaids.
Before the Wedding: Bridesmaids help take care of details for the bride such as
running errands, and making table decorations or favors. Bridesmaids usually
join the maid of honor in hosting a bridal shower. Bridesmaids attend
pre-wedding parties. Bridesmaids attend the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner.
At the Wedding: Bridesmaids walk in the processional and
recessional, either single file, two together or with an usher. They stand near
the bride during the ceremony. They are in formal photographs of the bridal
party.
At the Reception: Bridesmaids pay for their own dresses and
other attire. If travel expenses are involved, they pay their own cost involved
in getting to the wedding and staying in town during the celebration. Although
bridesmaids may attend several pre-wedding parties, only one shower gift and
one wedding gift are to be expected. Bridesmaids share the cost of the bridal
shower with the maid of honor.
Flower Girl Responsibilities:
You may choose one or two little girls to be
flower girls. The best age range is between four and eight. (Although younger
ones are cute, they can create some real challenges during a processional or
ceremony.) If you choose two girls, it looks nice if they are about the same
size, but that may not be possible. It can be a special honor for a child to be
chosen as part of you wedding.
Before the Wedding: Flower girls attend the shower and some
pre-wedding parties. They attend the rehearsal and may attend the rehearsal
dinner with their families.
At the Wedding: Flower girls walk directly in front of the bride in the
processional and in front of the maid of honor in the recessional. As flower
girls walk down the aisle, they may scatter flower or rose petals. If petals
are not permitted, sometimes flower girls will hand out single flowers to guest
as they walk, or they may just carry a bouquet, a ring of flowers or a pomander
ball. During the ceremony, flower girls may stand near the bridesmaids or may
sit with their families. Younger ones probably will do better sitting with
their families. They are in the formal photographs of the bridal parties.
At the Reception: Flower girls do not usually stand in the
reception line. Flower girls usually sit at a table of honor with their
families rather than at the head table. Flower girls may dance with family
members, friends or other members of the wedding party if they choose to do so.
Expenses: Families of flower girls are expected to pay for dresses and other
attire. If travel expenses are involved, the girls' family pick up these costs.
Flower girls are not expected to bring a gift to pre-wedding parties they may
attend. If their parents attend, gift expectations would be the same as any
other guest. If they attend more than one shower or party, only one shower gift
is expected. Flower girls are not responsible for helping financially with
bridal shower.
Groomsmen & Usher Responsibilities:
The number of ushers is usually determined
by the size of the wedding. One usher can comfortably seat about fifty guests.
Ushers are usually brothers, relatives or best friends of the groom. In
inviting people to serve as ushers, make sure that they are aware of the
expenses involved. While it is not necessary to have an equal number if ushers
and bridesmaids, it does balance nicely if they walk in pairs in either the
processional or recessional.
Before the Wedding: Groomsmen usually help the best man plan the bachelor party
for the groom. Groomsmen attend pre-wedding parties. Groomsmen attend the
rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner.
At the Wedding: The main Job of the usher is to seat
guests. They should arrive at the ceremony site at least one hour in advance
and should have clear instructions on the seating plan. In Christian
ceremonies, the bride's family and guests sit on the left and the groom's on
the right. In Jewish services, the seating is opposite, with the bride's family
on the right. Female guests are escorted by having the usher offer his right
arm to her. Her date or spouse walks behind. Male guests are lead to their
seats. If there are pew cards being used or a special reserved section, ushers
should pay special attention as they escort these guests to their seats.
Ushers distribute any programs or ceremony
handouts at the ceremony. Ushers direct those bringing gifts to the ceremony to
a gift table. If there is a guest book at the ceremony, ushers direct guest to
sign it.
After all guests are seated, the ushers
escort the groom's parents to the front row on the groom's side (Unless they
are part of the processional.) Lastly, they escort the bride's mother to her
seat, unless she is accompanying her husband in the processional.
Once everyone is seated, the groomsmen
unroll the aisle runner in readiness for the processional. The Groomsmen may be
part of the processional or they may take positions in the front with the best
man or groom. They stand near the groom during the ceremony. They are in formal
Photographs of the bridal party. They Escort the bridesmaids from the ceremony
in the recessional.
One of the ushers should be responsible to
roll the aisle runner back up after the ceremony and have it cleaned and
returned.
One of the ushers should collect any
leftover handouts or programs and see that they get returned to the couple who
may want to send them to family or friends who were unable to attend.
At the Reception: Ushers may be part of the receiving lines
in the very formal or formal weddings. Ushers may be seated at the head table
or a table of honor at the reception. During the reception, groomsmen mingle
with the guest. Groomsmen dance with the bridesmaids at the reception. They
assist by encouraging single young men to participate in catching the garter.
Expenses: Groomsmen or ushers pay for their own formalwear and accessories. If
travel expenses are involved, they pay their own costs involved in getting to
the wedding and staying in town during the celebration.
Although groomsmen may attend several
pre-wedding parties, only one shower gift and one wedding gift are to be
expected. Groomsmen may share the cost of the bachelor party with the best man.
Ringbearer and Trainbearer
Responsibilities:
Neither of these is required positions and
may be boys or girls. Usually only one ring bearer is used, but two with one
ring per pillow will work if you have and abundance of four or five year
children that you would like to have involved in the ceremony. Although the
rings on the pillows are usually not the actual wedding rings, you could have
two ring bearers if you are having a double ring ceremony, one for the bride
and one for the groom. Trainbearer or pages usually walk in pairs but a single
trainbearer can be used.
Before the Wedding: If ring bearers and trainbearer are little
boys they are not likely to be interested in any pre--wedding parties. If they
are girls, they might want to attend the shower and some other parties. They
attend the rehearsal and may attend the rehearsal dinner with their families.
At the Wedding:
During the Ceremony: The ring bearers (s) carries a pillow with
a ring or rings sewn to it. (These are usually not the real wedding rings but
symbolic ones for show only.)
The ring bearer (s) walks either directly in
front of or beside of the flower girl (s) in the processional and the
recessional.
If real rings are tied to the pillow the
ring bearer takes the pillow directly to the maid or honor and the best man who
will remove the rings. The trainbearers follow the bride in the processional
and recessional, and carry the bridal train.
The ring and train bearers may stand near
the ushers or sit with their families. They are in the formal Photographs of
the bridal party.
At the Reception: Ring and train Bearers do not usually stand
in the reception line. Ring and trainbearers usually sit at a table of honor
with their families.
Expenses: Families of ring and train bearers are expected to pay for attire. If
travel expenses are involved, the children's families pick up these costs. Ring
and train bearers are not expected to bring gifts to any pre-wedding parties
they may attend. If their parents attend gifts expectations would be the same
as any other guest. If they attend more than one party, only one shower gift is
expected.
Summary of Responsibilities of the Wedding Party:
Maid of Honor/Personal Attendant:
Bridesmaids:
Best Man:
Groomsmen:
Ushers:
Rules of Etiquette for Mother’s Attire: